The River and The Bridge

(excerpt)

Now even the rocky cliff face is too far from the river.
The River of Love seeks the river without.
I know deep down what needs to be done.
Will I be faithful?

Through the cool of the Eye (of the Needle) I descend,
In search of the river, in search of my heart.

At the bottom of the gully I come to a cave
Formed by water and wind, water long gone on its way down.
Is this close enough to Love? Fear still lives in me.
I see what the water has done,
Worn down the rockface, propelled trees and boulders in its wake.
Sometimes Love can be tumultuous,
Love can be strong,
It can leave its mark.
The water has shown the way down
And feeling the Divine pull anew,
I now see a new path to descend.

As I begin again a new resolve claims me:
‘If it’s what I really want to do, I’ll do it!’
I feel the force of this resolve, it is real
And I embrace it.

Prayers form my descent:
‘I am a man of courage! Help me not to run from myself, from You.’
‘If I really want it, I promise I will do it!’
Help me to see what I really want. No pushing, no willfulness –
Just uncover what might be hidden.’

The going down takes its physical toll,
And all the while I feel the River’s draw.
On I push engaged in a Holy Quest,
A task of faithful endurance,
One of faithfulness to Love and to myself.

I see it emerging from behind the trees: the river.
I come to its bank.
It is smooth, engaging, graceful.
Light reflects off its surface.
I feel the movement of the River within me.
I lay on its bank, far from the bridge, and I wait
Too exhausted to think.

Time passes.
I feel like a kid again.
Down the river people jump from Tower Rock and into the water.
Playfully I entertain the same idea.
I feel like a kid again.

‘I would’ve done it you know’ I say.
‘I would’ve done it if I really, really, really wanted to.’
Love knows and Love revels in my faithfulness.
I feel peace and joy flowing from my gut.

That night I have a dream.
I wake up knowing that another piece of the wall,
The one I place between me and Love,
Has fallen away.
I lie there in the morning light and let this truth soak in.

A.Mc. – D.P. 2010

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